Broken

I haven't blogged in quite a while. Thanksgiving being vegan went well at my parents' house. They didn't even know. I went to see my good friend Leah in Ohio a few weeks ago and had a lot of fun except I was worrying about my boyfriend the whole time and that kinda sucked a lot. Then I went to Chicago with my sweetheart and had a good time other than getting sick and Nick getting upset every other hour. Overall I had fun. Now one week later, I'm dumped. We weren't working and now we're both alone again for Christmas.There are so many things that I wanted to experience with him. I wanted to spend Christmas with the one I love. Another heartbroken holiday. But, I'm kind of relieved that I won't be fighting to make both of us happy anymore.. just me. I'm going to try to find myself again. Good luck.

To Do Lists

So, school is totally kicking my butt. I'm just not motivated for it right now. I have too much distraction. Ironically, school often distracts me from school. Class distracts me from homework, homework distracts me from class. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Why can I not be content with mediocrity?

I've almost finished my application for Cal. Waiting to see if I get accepted is going to be torture. Decisions are not sent out until April.

Quite frankly, I'm too stressed to blog today. I thought I would have a lot to say because a lot is on my mind but I can't snag any thoughts from my brain.

Nick and I are not having a good day. Relationship troubles.. who needs them? I wish everyone could get along and understand each other and just be happy.

I've been vegan for a month. Loving it. I'm still working on cutting out all the processed food from my diet and just eating food that I make. It's a journey. I'm getting better, slowly but surely.

Berserk-ley

These past couple weeks have been a journey and a challenge. The vegan life has proven to be a pretty simply one. My binge food is hummus and I'm really feeling good about not making anything with butter, milk or cheese. I know it's definitely cut down on my consumption of saturated fats. (I used to eat a TON of cheese.)
School is kicking my butt. 4 exams and a paper last week, plus work and volleyball refereeing.

So, in loo of the threat of going completely berserk, and a good conversation with my wonderful boyfriend, I am applying to University of California, Berkeley for next Fall and the remainder of my undergraduate career.

The fantastic boy that I'm so completely in love with put things very simply for me the other night. If I'm not happy then I might as well be miserable, therefore I need to change. I'm not unhappy in Knoxville but I don't like it here at all. I'm not 'having the time of my life' as said significant other pointed out and that's just about the reason for college.. other than academia.

So, I'm leaving. Hopefully. I began my application today. I have to write two short essays and report my accomplishments and honors, then I can submit my future to the discretion of the admissions board of UC Berkeley.

This will be a new adventure. My life has been very safe so far. I'm really to start living my life a little more.

There are drawbacks to leaving but I think I'll be happier.

Hold tight, San Fran, I'm on my way.

Breast Cancer

I'm on day what? 3? of being vegan. So far so good. I finished off my Triscuits, so no more processed food for me.

I asked my boyfriend if he would be vegan with me. He was not up for it. I think some day he'll come around though. Whenever he's had all of my yummy vegan food he may just do it. But for now I'm just trying to get my own self on the level that I want to be. I can't wait to be dairy free for like four months. That's gonna feel so great, I just know it. I'm slowly getting myself there.
Some day I want to have my own garden, grow my own veggies, eat only local, in season foods, and be able to get my B12 from the ground instead of from a pill. That's the way we're meant to live. Not with all of this processed food. I'm even trying to nix cereal from my diet, even Kashi. It's not bad per se but I just want to eat only whole foods. I want to make my own granola and oatmeal. I want to prepare all of my food for the day. What would be even better would be to grow all of my produce too. Just imagine the money that I would save on groceries. Only having to buy spices, beans and grains.

I have big hopes to be completely green some day. Have a rain water jug to water my garden with and use in my toilets. I want to use bicycles instead of cars for exercise. My life is going to be great.

I need to get into shape. I signed up for a race today for breast cancer awareness. I hope that I can run all the way. Its only a 5k race.
I want to teach people to prevent cancer some day. I just want to have an impact on humanity. That's my desire.

I just began a book about ancient yoga. I think that I desire to be a yogi. I want peace and serenity. I want to have an objective outlook and still be in the world.
I may start a journey deeper into yoga. We'll see where it takes me.

COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

Ok blog, I don't know if I can do it.. I can give up meat, cheese, milk, and processed foods... but coffee is a whole other thing.

Coffee is my relaxant, it helps me study, meet new people, puts me in a good mood, makes me warm, tastes great, and helps me poo. It's like a best friend in liquid form.

So, I'm just not so sure that I'm going to be giving up coffee. I think this is about to strike up some research. I desperately need to learn the effects of coffee, not just caffeine, I don't drink anything but coffee and tea. I don't like artificial things entering my body normally. When I find out, I'll keep you posted.

Day 2 of the sweet vegan life:
Kashi cereal with almond milk
I went to the store (meant to go to the farmers' market but there wasn't one today and I was really sad) and got butternut squash, zucchini, onions, and other yummies (PUMPKIN!!!) and made some delicious vegan veggies and couscous. It's very Thanksgiving-like. Mmmm. : ]

I'm very tempted now to go get some Starbucks coffee best I need to crack down and study some organic chemistry. I need to at least get a C in this class. B would be great but not likely. I have two tests next week so my life is going to be nuts.

I should take almonds to snack on this evening...

The Kind Diet

Seeing as I'm studying Nutrition and have been obsessed with what goes into my body for many, many years, I have read countless diet books. The Kind Diet and Skinny Bitch both have very good points. Meat is decaying flesh, why would we want to eat it? Milk is from a lactating cow just as mother's feed their own infants. Humans are the only mammals that drink milk from another species and as adults. Milk is not meant to be a main source of nutrition throughout life.

I really recommend The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone.
I have been "flirting" as Alicia calls it with veganism for a couple months. After reading the book, it has reassured me that I want all of the foreign animal protein and "nasty" out of my body.

So this is my journey. And today was day one. I have gone over a week eating a vegan diet before, so hopefully I can continue on that path. My down-fall the first time was having cheeses in my fridge left over from my simple vegetarian diet. I didn't want to waste the food. Well, all of my dairy is gone.

There are two different diet plans that Alicia talks about in her book. Vegan and the Superhero diet. The Superhero is vegan but also avoids any processed foods as well as nightshades (some vegetables that may contribute to inflammation ie. tomatoes, potatoes, peppers) and foods that are out of season or climate. This Superhero diet is the one I'm essentially aiming for. It makes so much sense and I really believe that it will clear up my skin and make me feel so much better.

So day 1:
Oatmeal w/ sugar cane & cinnamon; Orange Juice
Brown rice, kidney beans, salsa
Avocado, Triscuits (This was my downfall for today, however, it is still a vegan meal. The avocados were not too great because they are out of season, and now, after reading The Kind Diet, I realize they are probably genetically engineered as well. Triscuits are processed and have MSG.)

I had some tea as well, that was really great. I got it on my birthday from Teavana in Atlanta.

I'm been dependent on coffee to keep me regular. I eat a lot of fiber on a regular basis but without coffee things just don't function as well. I'm trying to wean myself of the need for coffee and flush that out of my system as well.

Good bye nastiness. I'm ready for day 2.

Back to Responsibility

As Fall Break is ending I can almost feel the pressure of school and other things in my life weighing down on me. I'm trying to stay focused and tackle my never-ending list of things to do one item at a time. I'm also trying to stay well-balanced and remember to have a little fun this week, too. We'll see how that turns out.
I had a great weekend with the man I love, I relaxed and had fun. Now it's time to buckle down. Now, it's time to be the proactive person that I want to be.

See me soar. Sky's the limit.

Refreshed

I've been so unproductive the past two days and it has been so beautiful. I'm relaxed and almost ready to take on the rest of the semester of chaotic studying and working and responsibility.
I finally finished the book I've been trying to read all semester and have started a new one. A classic. "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac. So far, so good.

This evening will be a time to organize my brain to prepare for this upcoming week. My things will be on my to-do list.

Speaking of lists.. There are a few things that I'm dying to buy right now. For one, new sheets. I want some really nice sheets. Two, a bed frame. I feel like a 23-year-old male living in a 1BR apt because my mattress is on the floor. I've got a black platform bed in mind. With drawers. Hurray for less clutter. Third, table and chairs for outside because there is nothing better than being snuggled in a blanket on a cool day drinking hot coffee or tea.
I'm so glad for cooler weather. 

Also, I tried my first pomegranate today. Delicious! I will be stocking up on those this week. : ]

Vow of Optimism

So, the idea of being happy has been on my mind a lot in the past couple week. The main question I was struggling with was if my ultimate goal is to be happy or achieving my ultimate goals inherently make me happy and are those the same concepts or not. I think that one may simply be more long term than the other.

Anywho, I'm working on being less stressed out but doing things that make me happy, such as health, discovering new things, and reading.

We'll see how this blog thing goes.